Im thinking of buying the domain "gatewaysucks.com" it would be, I think, 70 bucks well spent. If it doesn't exist already.

Im so extremely pissed off, that its difficult for me to even type. let me see if I can explain why without ripping my pants off and dry-humping my monitor in a fit of inarticulate rage.

1. Gateway Installs Windows ME on all new systems.

2. You cannot request a different OS. (except for NT, which sucks too)

3. I am UNABLE to get ANYTHING to run on ME that isn't a Microsoft product.

4. This is disturbing.

5. I have just spent the intire day trying desperately to get ANY of my cool new games to work. ANY of them.

I would even be willing to settle for something tedious, like Baldur's Gate. Nope. Nada.

Now, don't get me wrong, kiddies. Im not HUGE on games in the first place. My computer is used about 90% of the time for my graphic design thing, and for my websites (few that they are, lately) BUT. I do enjoy a rousing game of DiabloII or Ultima9 once in a while. And its not even that as much as the fact that "There is something that doesn't work on my brand fucking new computer."

SO. I USED to be fairly good at this. Im not anymore, but thats ok. I don't usually need to be. That being said, if ANYONE would like to send me helpful email, I would really really appreciate it. Like... a lot. In return, I would be willing to stalk your mom for a week, or wash your car, whatever. Fun for all!

here is my current system.

AMD Athlon 800mhz
Nvidia Vanta (16megs)
Soundblaster 128PCI
Windows (sigh) ME.
128megs of ram

I think thats all the important stuff. Before you ask, yes, I have all the updated drivers installed.

Why, you ask, don't I reformat the damn thing and install 98 like I did last time?

well, heres the sad part that makes me want to invert my penis and become a girl: Im afraid of fucking my hard drive up again.

I know, I know. God. Bandit is laughing right now, the fuck. I just know it.

See, we used to do this shit all the time. Thats the worst part about this. We could have your computer rebuilt from the case up in about 4 seconds. But Neither one of us (I think) could keep up with technology while holding down jobs and being busy with the massive amounts of women that flock to computer geeks.

hah.

well fuck it. I hereby declare myself part of the ignorant masses that hire people like I used to be to fix the shit they fuck up. thats right, im a goddamn consumer.

La-dee-fuckin-da

ANYHOO. If anyone would like to shed some light on my "no games run on my computer" problem, let me know.

-=<>=-

Tonight, my wife and I were in the supermarket, and we're standing at the checkout line holding a SINGLE bag of "skillet Sensations."

At this particular supermarket, they give a discout to "members" who fork over the 10 bucks and buy the membership card. Its a small percentage off most of the shit you can buy in there, and so (being the cheap bastards that we are) we have a card.

Or at least, we have a card somewhere. My wife has misplaced it, I have no clue where. SO every time we go to this supermarket, we have to stand there like idiots and say "uh, we uh.. don't know where our card is."

Normally they ask for one of our names, and thats all there is to it. TONIGHT, it went like this:

Clerk: Ah, I see you have a bag of the "broccoli and beef" skillet sensations! thats a good choi-

me: uh huh. can we leave before Im too old to gum down the fucking processed soy product they're passing off as beef?

Clerk: Sure! do you have a membership card with us?

My wife: Uh. Yeah, but uh, we lost it.

Clerk: Thats fine, what is your phone number?

My Wife: .......uh....

Clerk: At home.

My WIfe: ...er... its.. uh...[she gives the number for the apartment her boyfriend lives at, I think]

Clerk: uh huh. well, thats not coming up.

My Wife: OH! uh... [she gives our number]

Clerk: no, no thats not it either. Can I have your name?

My Wife: Sure, its uh... (she stops and tries to figure out which of her last names she used. My wife was married before, and she randomly hyphonates my name and that of her ex husband in different combinations with her maiden name. What this means is, in each place we go, shes known as something different, and we have to puzzle out what the hell last name she used every time.)

My Wife: Er.. try [Her maiden name]

Clerk: (typing) no.. nope, sorry.

My Wife: uh, ok, try [Her ex-husband's name]

Now, keep in mind that we are not the only ones in line. behind me, theres a guy that smells like fish who is carrying not one but three cases of beer, and behind him is a woman with eight kids who is counting out her food stamps as she waits.

Finally my wife uses her secret decoder ring to figure out who she was when she got the card, and we pay and leave.

we saved 25 cents.

I think tomorrow Im gonna buy a gumball.

Somebody asked me to post in the unclebob-family-diary thing. can you believe that?